Here’s my belated second batch of reviews! Please, please remember that these are only my thoughts. So much of reading enjoyment is subjective, so my hope is that you’ll discover something new to take a chance on! These reviews do not necessarily reflect who will be the semi-finalist from my team either. They are only my impressions and reactions.

Also, let me give a big thank you to all the authors for providing judges with review copies, as well as the team of the SPSFC for organizing the contest!

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My thoughts: This book kicks off with a bang that I certainly wasn’t expecting, but it sure got me to turn the page! The dual PoVs swap at lightning speed, with many chapters being only a couple pages, and the action and quips are entertaining. I like the musings on environment and climate, on the past and how people didn’t do enough to protect what they had. The tech all makes sense, and I like the characters fine but for me (personal preference), I found it a bit depressing as the characters talk about how they’re just waiting to die and the world’s used up and there’s no hope. It makes sense for the story though. Some parts are quite quotable, too.

Of course, America didn’t invade for food but instead to give the Cubans a taste of freedom. They found out that freedom tasted like bullets and blood.

Da Vinci on the Lam by B.D. Booker

There were times when I wasn’t quite sure of the purpose of the story, as we get lots of backstory about how we got to where we are in the present in the book, and we also linger at some points with minor characters, like a character study. Perhaps that’s part of the whole point of the book–a human interest story with climate change warnings and warnings of corrupt politicians overtop, wrapped up in action. The gritbillies felt very stereotyped, however; the other minor characters had a wealth of human brushstrokes, but not the gritbillies. The antagonist PoVs work for me, even though there are a lot of POVs, and they increase the tension nicely. However the antagonist PoVs add to the dreary mood too, with everyone being dead they just don’t know it yet.

Overall I liked the interactions between Quinn and Julia. It was fun watching them learn to work together and Julia learning to trust Quinn, though that came about rather choppy at points. Sometimes thoughts repeat a bit too often for me, especially since they don’t evolve into anything new or seem to drive a character arc. For instance, there are lots of repeated thoughts about Artis being a killer but her having to trust him anyway, and sometimes this trust aspect is brought back up again like it’s new, even though it’s been going on the whole book. The other repetition that dragged for me was Julia’s thoughts of having to leave the country. Quinn’s repeated thoughts about his kids makes sense, at least, but I wasn’t sure how Julia’s drove the story. I didn’t believe their hookup added anything to the story, however, and I’m not sure there was much change to the characters throughout the book. Artis Quinn maybe finds something to live for, and Julia gets a taste of life outside the domes, but other than that, I’m not sure.

“I remember recycling as a kid. Always felt like a hero, recycled, shut off the lights, loved animals. Julia, I wish you could have seen how rich the world was.”

“I always wonder, if I lived back then, would I have been any different than the other people?”

“Maybe. A lot of people tried to live right. Didn’t matter. Were too many assholes.”

“Were? Still are too many assholes.”

“There are still some good people too.”

Da Vinci on the Lam by B.D. Booker

Some of the chapters felt like they went on too long or ended awkwardly, and there are quite a few small errors, especially comma splices, but also word spelling consistency, and several ending punctuations that get lost. I had some trouble tracking where the characters are and where they’re going sometimes, but that didn’t hinder my enjoyment. Sometimes there were errors in consistency (the size of bounties, for instance, and dead or alive) which bugged me a bit.

I like the action sequences though the blocking was not always clear (sometimes people were released without ever being mentioned they were grabbed, for instance). However I absolutely loved the wiliness Quinn shows in evading his enemies. The action and the game of wits was by and large quite fun. I loved the way the tension and the stakes kept increasing.

I really loved the toxic corporate “family” Onyx Group says it is, along with a good dose of hoo-rah chest pounding, all while shutting out competitors for power within the company and letting lower ranked people fend for themselves. It feels very true to itself. I would have liked further exploration of that with the Preservation Society, too, as a potential mirror to the Onyx Group. They’re presented as good and bad at the beginning, but then shown to both be ruthless in their dealings, and I’d have loved Julia to really sit with that and see some character growth. She goes back and forth in her thoughts regarding them after they show their true colors and it didn’t land for me.

The events from about 75% of the way in and on really strained my disbelief to the breaking point. Things felt like they went too fast so they didn’t have the build-up to support the changes in decisions or mood, or for me to really buy in. Scenes felt like they were supposed to make more of an impact on me than I felt, so the emotions of the main characters seemed all over the place. Characters made mistakes that I didn’t believe given their competence throughout the book up until that point, as if simply to increase tension. The timing of thoughts and events felt increasingly convenient, and it lacked the sense of choices being smart and making sense that the earlier portions of the book were so rich with.

Overall I had fun with this book, though I didn’t really feel much as I read. This might seem odd, as the story has some good quotes and is packed with good things to ponder. However, despite my quibbles with it, it was enjoyable reading.

Read this if you: want a fast-paced mafia-type plot stocked full of a gritty atmosphere and corporate/political hijinks where the characters take reasonable actions and make smart decisions (at least most of the way through). Bonus points if you like short chapters and character vignettes to intersperse the action, this book is for you!

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My thoughts: I absolutely delighted in the strong voice and the strong opener. I love the mood that fit the Golden Girls marketing so well, even if the ship name was a little on the nose. I don’t like the cover, but that’s ok–it didn’t bother my reading of the book (though I probably wouldn’t have picked it up if it wasn’t for SPSFC.) That would have been a shame! I especially loved the Firefly reference with dinosaurs on the bridge, though– that was great. Maryn’s a great character and I loved learning about her past with her partner and their study of space dinosaurs–so cool! I absolutely adored her ecological geekery.

Jac had always teased that Maryn fell in love with Andelek because ze was a space-elf who chased dragons. And ze was. And she had; oh, she had.

Whiskey and Warfare by E. M. Hamill

I loved the inclusivity of the cast of the book, with different genders, species, and sexualities casually and unapologetically going about their storyline. I love the way the aliens were just people, though with a varied array of appearances and biologies. However, there were a few points around the introduction of Dair and the refugee boy where it felt a little awkward, a little stilted, like it needed some smoothing. Dair keeps getting referred to as “the younger being” and was the only one I noticed this with, making them feel a bit othered. This was annoying to me, because in the rest of the plot line, things were so smooth and natural, whereas this one stood out in an awkward way.

Plot-wise, I loved the hook of the distress beacon, as well as the tension surrounding the refugees. Maryn’s space phobia felt really well done, and I loved the tension and betrayals, the complications and Maryn’s decision and resolve in the face of it all, even while she struggles with her grief and space phobia. It felt like they were cutting it super close to the deadline for the funeral rites, but I loved seeing Andelek’s culture. I love the way the funeral actually matters, and how Maryn’s journey through her grief goes hand in hand with the wider, external struggle. The slower overall pace (inset with pearls of action) of the book fit the reflective tone and theme of grief.

“What were you doing a week ago that required a full weapons array?” Maryn asked.
“Running cargo,” Jac and Scylla answered in tandem.
“Right.” She wasn’t fooled. “I’m more concerned about Girl’s road rage.”
“I was attempting humor,” the ship responded, and after measured pause, amended: “Mostly.”

Whiskey and Warfare by E. M. Hamill

As I read, there were some asides (like bacon being grown) that I was skeptical of fitting the narrative. It felt more like the author was talking to me as the reader, assuring me that this bacon is ethical, rather than something the character would naturally think about at the time. Other parts felt a bit “as you know, Bob”, like the part about Manny being the only one the Girl would allow to make critical repairs. I’d have thought Maryn would have already known that. Some of the reminiscing could maybe have been trimmed, as it felt like it bogged down the pace a bit. Overall, though, I loved the interactions, and these small pieces stood out to me mostly because they didn’t feel like they matched the high polish of the rest of the book.

“It seemed to be a small pulsar flashing rainbow colors, but no star she’d ever seen changed rhythm in rapid, stuttering semaphore patterns like that.
“What the fuck is it?” she muttered in horror, cupping her hands around the warm beverage. “Why is that star having a seizure?”
“Zillzanam Station,” Jac said. “It opened about fifteen years ago after the Far-Prime worlds were settled. You think it’s bad from out here? Wait until we’re up close. It’s like hell had a marketing team.”

Whiskey and Warfare by E. M. Hamill

There are some other small niggling things that bugged me. Sometimes setting isn’t always fully established and it feels like we blink from one place to the next. Sometimes it felt like the characters were paused in the background until Maryn came into the scene, as she would ask a question I’d have thought the others would have already discussed while she was elsewhere. Sometimes the text says something and then says it again within a page or two like it’s a revelation–this made me impatient for new information and new action. For instance, the not-quite-legal business of the ship along with the Qet situation–I’d thought it was acknowledged pretty early that the ship wasn’t always on the right side of the law but Maryn keeps coming at it like it’s a new thing to be suspicious of. Sometimes, especially toward the end of chapters, it ended on some telling that I wished had been shown instead, so I could feel it more. It also felt odd to me that the characters kept discussing the attack, including showing images of it, around the kid (even if he was distracted in the scene). As a mother, it felt too close for him to be there, exposed to reliving such a traumatic event. There’s a part where it felt like Maryn was judging the whole culture harshly based on her interactions with one person, which is the opposite of what the book really seems to be about. The idea of elders having a lot to contribute even in dangerous or violent times of need, however, completely fits the theme of the book, so I did like that.

“I know you’re out there, somewhere.” She gazed at the still-dark horizon opposite the paling skyline, a scattering of bright stars still visible against the encroaching sunrise. “I’ve been thinking about what your mother said. That you protected me because you were afraid of losing me. We always knew how short my life might be compared to yours, but neither of us suspected this. I wasn’t prepared. It was the only thing you couldn’t protect me from.”
She exhaled a laughing sob which crumbled into uneven pieces, her eyes wet. “But I think I’m going to be okay. I don’t want to be safe when there are people who aren’t, people I might be able to help. I have to try. I think you would understand.”

Whiskey and Warfare by E. M. Hamill

I enjoyed how the main four used their experiences as basis for their suspicion that mercenaries are involved, even though it’s not proof, and the way they dig for proof. I love the rising tension of the plot as the crew puts their mercenary suits back on in order to escort the refugee ship. Love the battles and the increasing tension as the danger keeps rising, and Maryn’s resolve mixed with her phobia. I also liked Dair questioning Maryn’s competence and the ensuing conversation, though Dair’s interactions with the crew began to feel a bit one-note for me, with everyone on them (rightfully) to change their attitude. 

“I’m so fucking glad you’re with us right now.”
“Just like old times,” she said, but couldn’t suppress the uncertainty in her voice.
“Well, now with more meds,” Scylla deadpanned, throwing up jazz hands, and Maryn snorted with agreement.

Whiskey and Warfare by E. M. Hamill

I like Maryn’s movement through grief throughout the book. I also like Scylla’s disease and how Jac worries for her. The tension of the combat was fantastic, along with how elements breadcrumbed in earlier in the book came back into play or suddenly mattered again later in the plot. The victorious feel totally came through, and the ending was great, though I feel like there should have been more whiskey to sell the “Whiskey and Warfare” title. That’s a small quibble though and overall this book was an excellent read!

Read this if you: want amazing friendships to whisk you away into a whole other world with new, unique aliens and fully-realized middle-aged characters on a foundation of excellent writing. If you want an entertaining read that also feels like a hug (with some The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet Becky Chambers vibes), peppered with exciting fight scenes, pick this up!

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My thoughts: Very interesting beginning–what a cool way to suck the reader in. I love the archaeologist sentient robots and the descriptions were great. There’s some narrative distance, but it didn’t bother me too much. I love the way the tension develops as the robots (eltecs) try to figure out what they’re going to do about their discovery. The Assembly and their differing thoughts was very cool to read, plus reading about the secret museum that shouldn’t be secret. This jealousy over aliens not contacting the eltecs is amusing and yet understandable. It amuses me that the eltecs make such leaps to conclusions and anxieties, instead of being more logical and methodical, but I adore Shulvara’s compassion and curiosity, and I’m enjoying the tension of this timetable.

As I read through this book, I realized it’s kind of more a science fiction post-apocalyptic tale framed in the structure, mood, and tone of a myth. In that framing, I loved it even more. The point of view drifts about a bit during the narrative and the narrative is a bit distant through much of the book, which fits a mythic feel. Sometimes there’s a bit of an info dump, but they felt necessary. Chapters are short, quick, and easy to read.

The man looked around. “Yeah but… aren’t there any people I can talk to?”
I’m people too, Shulvara thought, but resisted the urge to say it out loud.

Wakers of the Cryocrypt, Nathan Kuzack

I love how the eltecs, regardless of kind, all feel just as much “people” as Lazarus, the lone human does. I love the reactions the eltecs have to each other and to the events throughout the book–they all land really well. The division between and amongst the lineoids and the autochrons was great. I especially loved Shulvara and their reaction to Lazarus. I love the thoughts sparked, like the idea of that the eltecs must choose life, while humans never had that option. There are so many ethical conundrums to consider, from the ethics of observing Laz all the time like a zoo animal, to how and what the eltecs should consider in preserving their society. There’s a great discussion about naivety vs prejudice and how Laz’s very existence brings conflict to the society of eltecs. I love how Arganz has very different views than Shulvara and the way they challenge Laz. The tension keeps growing, too, and the antagonists’ actions are so essentially human in how they react, even though they’re eltecs. I especially loved this Deucalion idea plus the redhead in cryo, and the eltecs’ fear of humans repopulating the world. It brings everything in and frames the conflict nicely.

They probably see me as being lesser than them, he thought. Deficient. Limited. And they would be right.
Biology couldn’t compete with the precision and efficiency of technology. Eltecs had evolved themselves to the point of immortality, something humans had never accomplished. Instead, humans had wiped themselves out via a toxic mix of greed, short-termism, weaponisation and nationalism. Both intelligence and stupidity had played their part too. The human race had been clever enough to develop nuclear weapons, but too stupid to never use them. He didn’t blame eltecs for looking down on his kind. How could he? That humans had acted with a colossal degree of rank mindlessness was beyond question.

Wakers of the Cryocrypt, Nathan Kuzack

“Deucalion is closely connected with a deluge myth. He and his flame-haired wife Pyrrha survived a catastrophic flood sent by Zeus to punish human wickedness. They were then instructed by an oracle of the goddess Themis to throw stones over their shoulders. The stones turned into human beings, thereby repopulating the world.”

Wakers of the Cryocrypt, Nathan Kuzack

I love Laz’s struggle and self-doubt with his lost memories, and the strangeness of eltecs trying to decipher human dreams. At times the narrative edged toward preachy, but not so much that it hindered my enjoyment at all, and it made sense, too, for the characters and the story. The autochrons’ opposition (Magnamadias and Ursinwold) to Laz’s existence rang true, even if I hated it. I kept wanting to yell at Laz but also sympathized with him even as his missteps played into the hands of the autochrons. I loved how Laz began relying on Shulvara and Quel as moral support as a result.

“If human civilisation was to be rekindled, it had to be different than before. Better than before. In this way humans could prove their worth to their own progeny, a race of machine beings who were doing a far better job of looking after life on Earth than they ever had.”

Wakers of the Cryocrypt, Nathan Kuzack

The tension ramps up in the Third Act with huge revelations and increasing danger. It was great seeing how things breadcrumbed beforehand made an appearance later and became important. Everyone has believable motivations, even if I disagree with their actions or aims, and there are so many eltecs with great personalities. (I did wonder why even lineoids would have bathrooms but maybe they really really want to have a human aesthetic, lol). I also love how various characters are suspicious at the times I was suspicious too, and how they investigated, including considering all the same things I was considering as a reader.

I enjoy the insight/hunches Laz has and how Laz grows with respect to the eltecs and treated them as people, as he should. I especially love his relationship with his friends, and how he grows to trust them as they trust him, even when he makes wild leaps and they are normally driven by logic. They’ll still go along with him, and he will accept their explanations when needed, too. I just really love Laz’s connection with Shulvara.

“Look at them, Shul,” he said in hushed awe. “They had to live in really difficult circumstances. No modern medicine or technology. No answers to all the questions they must’ve had. Then they were gone. There’s no way they could’ve known what humans would do in the future. It was just some place beyond the stars to them. They were so… crucial. They were the linchpin of everything. But who thinks about them now? Who thanks them?”
“It’s impossible to thank them, but you can honour their memory.”
“Yeah? How?”
“By being the best human you can be. The most learned and the most kind. Give them something they would’ve been proud of.”

Wakers of the Cryocrypt, Nathan Kuzack

Quibbles: There are some small grammatical errors throughout, but nothing too bad (mostly just lack of commas after introductory phrases to a sentence). Arganz is sometimes a he and sometimes a they, and sort of disappeared in the last third of the book. I’m not sure how much I buy Laz’s habit of falling asleep so quickly after attempts on his life. I also feel like Laz’s emotional state readily resets from understandable worries to carefree enjoyment. I didn’t understand everything — the statue of Atlas scene and whether or not Laz won was unclear to me, but that’s ok. The ending had strong deus ex machina vibes but also fit the mythic framework, so it worked okay for me, especially since hints of it played peek-a-boo throughout the storyline leading up to the reveal.

However, I really love the part names and how they frame the progression of the story in myth. This story is deliciously mythic with tons of sci-fi and ecological musings. The prose can be clunky at times, too, and isn’t super quotable, but the intellectual musings are great. The perspective is quite distant (possibly omniscient) and a lot of knowledge and thoughts are hidden from the reader, so you just have to sort of ride along with the plot to see what happens.

Read this if you: want to follow nonhuman characters as they deal with an extraordinary blow to some fundamental truths of their culture in very human ways. If you enjoy plots that encourage musings on a variety of topics, spotted with action, betrayals and reversals, and ancient secrets people would kill to keep, try this book now!

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Don’t forget to check out the other reviews for these books, too! Athena has reviewed Whiskey and Warfare, Da Vinci on the Lam, and Wakers of the Cryocrypt, and Dave has also reviewed Da Vinci on the Lam and Wakers of the Cryocrypt.

I’m really excited about this new upcoming book because I’ve had a chance to see it in various stages and I can attest to the incredible polish the author has put into it. One of my CP’s is releasing her debut novel upcoming, and it’s titled Bloodflower. It kicks off the start to a series: The Hidden Flames Artifact.

Check out this blurb:

Born into a world of futuristic technology, ecologist Jàden Ravenscraft wields starship fuel like magic but she’s losing control of her power. Marked as a dangerous weapon, she’s trapped in hypersleep for 4000 years and wakes in the backwoods of a terraformed moon. Now she’s determined to find her reincarnated lover and escape back to the stars before her power takes control… or she is found. 

Because one life is not the end. 

The man she loves has lived more than twenty lives without her, and Jàden’s alone in a world of swords and sorcery. When exiled prison guard Captain Jon Ayers shields her from an attack, Jàden seizes the chance for safety and human connection. Using her magic, she ties her energy to Jon, forging a bond to keep him close to her side. 

But Jon is hunted by mercenaries for the pendant he carries, a key to the gateway between worlds, and their bond stirs a desire neither can ignore. Jàden is faced with the hardest choice of her life: between Jon and her reincarnated ex. Saving one lover will destroy the other, and the wrong choice will land her in chains she can never escape.

If you love the blend of science fiction and fantasy as much as I do, you’re gonna want to run, not walk, to grab Bloodflower. Better yet, pre-order it, or put it on your Goodreads shelf so you don’t forget. An ecologist protagonist, a steamy romance (for all you romance lovers), amazing worldbuilding with new creatures and plantlife, and horses and technology. Swords and spaceships. I really can’t say enough good things about it.

Ok but you came for the art, yes, I know. Check it out!

Isn’t that absolutely gorgeous? And the details just give me shivers, knowing what’s in the book!

And the author? Also phenomenal.

K. J. Harrowick is a fantasy and science fiction author with a strong passion for blending grimdark worlds and futurist technology with threads of romance and revenge. She is the co-creator of Writer In Motion, contributed to the Science in Sci-Fi series , and was a panelist in the Write Hive online convention. With an unhealthy obsession for dragons, tacos, cheese, and beer, K. J. also works as a freelance web developer and graphic designer on a broad range of client projects before falling down the occasional rabbit hole. 

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Grab your own copy today (because you can’t have mine)!

Find on Indie Story Geek: https://indiestorygeek.com/story/1115

Add to your Goodreads Shelf: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/58664286-bloodflower

Preorder Links: https://authorkjharrowick.com/k-j-s-linktree/

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Check out the publishing co-op Portal World: https://portalworldpublishing.com/

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I am so excited to share with you all the second book in the Children of the Nexus series, Let Loose the Fallen! I’m almost done applying the last edits and then just need to go over it one more time for quality control.

In this book, more of the world gets thrown in and it becomes firmly sword-and-planet science fantasy as the characters learn more about what’s been going on in the shadows and put together pieces of the past to form epic stakes. All four main characters have amazing character arcs here that I (though of course biased) simply adore.

Here, let me show you the blurb:

The priestess searches for her faith.

The fire-wielder wrestles with her past.

The psion dreams of peace.

And the hero is torn between his heart and his duty.
While grief scatters the four protectors to the winds, outside forces write history according to their own whims. The fate of the Rinaryns lies twined with that of the boy, Eian, caught in a tug of war the heroes are unaware of.
But the evidence lies waiting for Taunos and the others to see, if only they can move past their betrayal.

Dave Brasgalla is truly amazing to work with. We went back and forth this time getting some background people in the cover to look a little more uniquely fantasy and he did an absolutely phenomenal job. He took a look at the trends in the last year and went bold with the color, really leaning into the surrounding setting while still making Taunos, the main of the four for this book, the focus. And he’s three for three, showing me an image that I knew immediately was how Taunos looks. Capturing his essence and giving him a face.

Check out this cover!

Here’s Taunos, looking a little worse for wear after Book One’s adventures, a little rugged, a little tired. And surrounding him, all sorts of people from all sorts of nations, some of them looking at him with wariness, most just going about their business.

It’s perfect!

Let Loose the Fallen is the second book of the Children of the Nexus series, and will be released on January 22nd!

Check it out on Goodreads!

Remember, Book One of the series, Between Starfalls, is free in KU.

Check out Let Loose the Fallen on Amazon!

I had some great help on this round too! My CPs gave me wonderful things to think about. Dan Koboldt had a great point about strengthening the overall arc, but I ran out of words. While technically I can go over 1000 words now that this is the final draft, I try to stick to it anyway in the spirit of the challenge. I could have altered some of the thoughts of Goat in the beginning, but I felt like that would give a different tone and character to Goat than what I was going for.

SM Roffey gave me some of those words though, pointing out a sentence I could cut, and Kim B wanted more detail of the inside of the building, so I used my 9 extra words there instead with some worldbuilding.

Beyond those changes though, it was mostly necessary nitpicks. People still suggested changes to “Not following orders” so I finally fixed that, but I kept my “full with leaves” because “full of leaves” doesn’t work for me and I couldn’t come up with something better. The hazards of editing power-sessions: now my worder needs a break.

But I really enjoy my little Space Goats, and I am pleased to present my final draft, complete at 996 words:

You sproing through the scraggly bushes that cling to the hill, muzzle raised to the cool breeze. Alien scents wash over you, so different from the ship’s sterile, recycled air. The trees are full with leaves, and the sky is blue above the darker bruising of the distant mountains.

It’s rather disappointing. Shouldn’t alien planets be more, well, alien?  

And there’s a blocky, artificial structure right at the top of the hill, not even trying to hide. Training exercises are supposed to be hard, aren’t they? Otherwise what’s the point? It’s all dreadfully boring, so you stretch your neck out, rising on the tips of your back hooves to reach a long-hanging branch and nibble at the twigs there. It’s against the Code, but who’s gonna tell on you? Cow? Cow’s not here. She’ll be in the building that’s clearly where you’re meant to go, waiting for you to show up for your briefing. 

But you’re on an alien planet! Simmering underneath the disappointment, excited energy thrums through your bones. The grass isn’t made of crystal, and the sky’s not green, but it’s still a completely new ball of rock hurtling through space, and you’ve actually done it. You’re a Space Goat and nothing can take that away from you. 

All you need to complete the day is a nice glass of wine, the fruitier the better. 

Oh, and to finish your mission, you suppose. 

You can hear the Whale as distinctly as you did when he stood in front of you, a scowl on his long face. “This mission is simple. You’ll be Dropped on an alien planet. First, use your head to find your assigned mentor, who will have the Matter Transportation Device. They’ll brief you on a short excursion, and upon your return, you’ll both Matt back up to the ship.”

Look for clues, for anything out of place, of course. Like the glaringly obvious building. 

Your hooves squish in the springy turf, and the mountains rise and fall behind the apex of the hill with each bouncing leap. Going directly toward the building would be boring. You’ll go around it first—scouting. That’s right. Totally being responsible. 

A breeze whips past and you pause, your eyes half closing as you filter the new smells and try to guess what they are. Plants. Air. Smoke. Smoke’s a little concerning, but it’s only a whiff, so it’s probably pretty far aw—

Something slams into you, lifting you off your hooves. You skid across the rocky ground on your side. Dust in your eyes makes them water. Your heart hammers faster than it did during your first spacewalk, and you scramble to your hooves. 

Cougar stands a meter away, his fangs a flash of white as he smiles. “Disregarding orders again, Goat?”

What’s he doing out here? You glance at the building, where Cow would be waiting. It’s too far. Cougar will outrun you. 

He prowls a step closer. “This is a training exercise. You and I weren’t supposed to meet like this. If you had followed orders, we wouldn’t have.”

“You wouldn’t hurt me. Not really.” Too bad fear makes your voice high-pitched and bleaty.

“Accidents sometimes happen in training exercises.” He sits, inspecting his claws. 

You flick your tail. You won’t bow to the threats he’s tossing about. You’re the first Goat to make it onto the Whale’s Space Teams. And even if this planet seemed boring at first, it’s your very first alien planet! You’re not about to let the chance to explore end here in the cruel claws of a Cougar bully. 

You dig your small hooves into the ground and lower your head, dropping to all fours. A flicker of surprise lights Cougar’s eyes as you spring forward. You crash horns-first into his side, the same way he’d knocked you over just a few moments ago. Spinning around, you charge for the top of the hill, for safety. Cougar won’t be happy you hit him, but all you have to do is make it to the tiny, square-sided building before he does. 

The soft dirt slows you, giving no easy hoof-holds as you scramble up the hillside. Hot breath on your flanks urges you to move faster, and you skid around the side of the building, panting for air. 

Where’s the door? Where’s the door? Cougar’s gonna get you before you can find the entrance to this dirty, unassuming building, and on your very first mission. That’d be mortifying. 

The door gleams, white metal in the sunlight, and you lunge for it, scrabbling with the knob. It was obviously not made for hoofed-species. He’s coming and you don’t have time to wrestle with a space-junked door! You kick it, then lower your head and head-butt it. 

It lurches open and you stumble inside. Your hooves slow of their own accord. You stare around, gaping. The interior is an enormous cavern. A cool grey banister stands two meters in front of you, separating you from the rest of the colossal space, while ramps of bustling Geckos, Mice, and Tamarins spiral deeper into the mountain beneath you. A Bat whisks past you toward the ceiling, carrying a basket. Everything is lit with warm yellow bulbs, and flashes of colorful doors amidst the shadowy grays accent the interior. This is more like it.

One floor below you, Cow waits, tapping her hoof. “How’d the Goat do?”

Your mouth works, but nothing comes out. Who was she talking to?

Behind you, a velvet voice has no trouble finding words. “Off-script, and with a literal meaning for ‘using your head.’”

 Your eyes flick from Cougar to Cow and back again. This was all a setup?

Cougar grins at you. “What, cat got your tongue?”

“What?” you squeak.  Normally you’re much wittier, you swear.

Cow shakes her head. “I needed to teach you an important lesson before we get to our primary objective.” Her bovine face turns serious. “Never judge a planet by its drop site.” 

The first thing I did was let it sit. I always let stuff sit before editing. My subconscious is able to work on it that way. For this, obviously, there’s not as much marinating time available. Then I did a read through and made note of what I wanted to change:

• Really get into and sophisticate Goat’s voice. I don’t want Goat to sound like a kid, while preserving Goat’s excitement, spunk, and sass.
• I want to make sure there are no pronouns associated with Goat. I want Goat to be able to be anyone who feels like Goat. 
• I also want to smooth out the whole reason to be here on this planet, as it got a bit muddy while I was discovering it. 
• See if I can strengthen the arc I have in here. 
• Then line edits, to make sure everything’s as polished as I can make it. Obviously typos, cutting word count, and tightening sentences. Oh, and read aloud!

Once I had everything as good as I could make it, I ran it through AutoCrit. As usual for me, it found some repetitions and I got to think about alternate ways to say things. I love how this word map summarizes my story so well!

I’m pretty happy with Space Goats right now! It clocks in at 991 according to Scrivener, so I came in comfortably under the word count limit. Have a look:

You sproing through the short bushes that cling to the hill, muzzle raised to the cool breeze. Alien scents wash over you, so much different from the ship’s sterile, recycled air. The trees are full with leaves, and the sky is blue above the darker bruising of the distant mountains. Are all planets going to be like this one? 

Frankly, part of you is disappointed. Shouldn’t alien planets be more, well, alien? For another thing, there’s an odd artificial structure right at the top of the hill, not even trying to hide. Training exercises are supposed to be hard, aren’t they, or what’s the point? It’s all so dreadfully boring, you rise up on your back hooves to reach a long-hanging branch and nibble at the twigs there. It’s against the Code, but who’s gonna tell on you? Cow? Cow’s not here. She’ll be in the building that’s clearly where you’re meant to go, waiting for you to show up for your briefing. 

But you’re on an alien planet! Simmering underneath the disappointment, thrums of energy race through your bones. The grass isn’t made of crystal, and the sky’s not green, but it’s still a completely new ball of rock hurtling through space and you’ve actually done it. You’re a Space Goat and nothing can take that away from you. 

All you need to complete the day is a nice glass of wine, the fruitier the better. 

Oh, also and to finish your mission, you suppose. 

You can hear the Whale as distinctly as you did when he was standing in front of you, his long face scowling in your memory. “This mission is simple. You’ll be Dropped on an alien planet. First, use your wits to find your assigned mentor, who will have the Matt. They’ll brief you on a short excursion, and upon your return, you’ll both Matt back up to the ship.”

Look for clues, for anything out of place, of course. Like the glaringly obvious building. 

Your hooves squish in the springy turf, and the mountains rise and fall behind the apex of the hill with each bouncing leap. Going directly toward the building would be boring. You’ll go around it first—scouting. That’s right. Totally being responsible. 

A breeze whips past and you pause, your eyes half closing as you filter the new smells and try to guess what they are. Plants. Air. Smoke. Smoke’s a little concerning, but it’s only a whiff, so it’s probably pretty far aw—

Something slams into you, lifting you off your hooves. You skid across the rocky ground on your side. Dust makes your eyes tear up. Your heart hammers faster than it did during your first space walk, and you scramble to your hooves. 

A Cougar stands a meter away, his fangs a flash of white as he smiles. “Not following orders, again, Goat?”

What’s a Cougar doing out here? You glance at the building, where Cow would be waiting. It’s too far. The Cougar will outrun you. 

The Cougar prowls a step closer. “This is a training exercise. You and I weren’t supposed to meet like this. If you had followed orders, we wouldn’t have.”

“You wouldn’t hurt me. Not really.” Too bad fear makes your voice high-pitched and bleaty.

“Accidents sometimes happen in training exercises.” He sits, inspecting his claws. 

You flick your tail. You won’t cave to the threats he’s tossing about. You’re the first Goat to make it on the Whale’s Space Teams. And even if this planet seemed boring at first, it’s your very first alien planet! You’re not about to let the chance to explore end here in the cruel claws of a Cougar bully. 

You dig your small hooves into the ground and lower your head. A flicker of surprise lights the Cougar’s eyes as you spring forward. Your horns crash into his side, just as he’d knocked you over just a few moments ago. Spinning around, you charge for the top of the hill, for safety. The Cougar won’t be happy you hit him, but all you have to do is make it to the tiny, square-sided building before he does. 

The soft dirt slows you, giving no easy hoof-holds as you scramble up the hillside. Hot breath on your flanks urges you to move faster, so you abandon decorum and go to all fours. Twice as many hooves to propel you to the hilltop does wonders, and you skid around the side of the building, panting for air. 

Where’s the door? Where’s the door? The Cougar’s gonna get you before you can find the door to this dirty, unassuming building, and on your very first mission. That’d be mortifying. 

The door gleams, white metal in the sunlight, and you lunge for it, scrabbling with the knob. It was obviously not made for hoofed-species. Ironically, Cougar would likely have an easier time with it. He’s coming and you don’t have time to wrestle with a space-junked door! You kick it, then lower your head and head-butt it. 

It springs open and you stumble inside. Your hooves slow of their own accord. You stare around yourself, gaping. A cool grey banister stands two meters in front of you, separating you from the rest of the colossal space. An enormous cavern of bustling workers spirals deeper into the mountain beneath you. Everything is lit with warm yellow bulbs, and flashes of colorful doors accent the interior. This is more like it.

One floor below you, Cow waits idly. “How’d the Goat do?”

Your mouth works, but nothing comes out. 

Behind you, a velvet voice has no trouble finding words. “Off-script, and with a literal meaning for ‘using your head.’” 

Cougar grins at you. “What, cat got your tongue?”

“What?” you squeak. 

Cow shakes her head. “I needed to teach you an important lesson before we get to our primary objective.” Her bovine face turns serious. “Never judge a planet by its drop site.”